Embarrassed!

complete failure... i told you i would be completely honest in my blog... the scale read 126.2 this morning. Yep! I'm embarrassed to share that but it is also the truth about competing and the part no one talks about. i hope anyone who thinks extreme dieting is the way to the "skinny you" reads this. I can't explain why the body does this but it is so mentally painful to go from displaying an awesome physique to 14 days later weighing more then when the diet started. People don't think i can relate to their weight issues, yo-yo dieting and loss of control when it comes to food, well i can!

I have been competing for many years and have gone through this "after effects" many times but it never gets any less embarrassing. I know my body will eventually normalize out and i'll drop about 8lbs. but not many others know this so i get comments like "you bulking up already!" or "you are really enjoying your off season." i feel like an ass.

my systems were clogged up 'till about wednesday. what i mean by that is nothing was digesting, my stomach was stretch out and hard as a rock, and it just hurt to eat. Now i haven't been eating THAT bad just trying to be normal. (lots of fruit, bowls and bowls of fruit and pasta) i was extremely sluggish, and tired. then on wednesday "swollen gut syndrome" (my name for it) was gone and i had lots of energy. Things get dangerous now, food starts to taste yummy, and you are hungry... all the time! Think of a clogged sink, the water just kind of sits in the sink maybe slowly draining leaving scum stuck to the sides. then you unclogged the sink and water just flows down the drain, usually faster then before the clog... does that make sense? alright moving on! ha!

i did do an hour cardio on monday, ran 2.5 miles on wednesday, taught spin on friday, and 1 hour of cardio this morning followed by teaching a spin class. Not like i sat around all week!

i had major cramps through out my entire body this week, hands, chest, legs, feet and i could not sleep through the night with out waking up screaming in pain. Thank goodness i live alone!

i swore up and down i was going to eat "clean" all week, but i could not resist the temptations that were in front of me. so now i'm totally beaten! fat and mentally weak....

DON'T worry my friends a new week is upon us and i will keep trying to get a grip. i will try to find that balance of healthy eating but not dieting and i'm exciting to try some new "clean" foods. I bought apple butter today, its just apples smooshed and put in a jar! tee hee but i hope to replace my sugar free jelly on my rice cakes with this apple butter so i can eat more of a "real" food. i also found a zero calorie raspberry sparkling green tea. that might help with cravings.

my egg whites are cooked for tomorrow as well as my protein pancake and now i'm on my way to put some fish in the oven. I know this week will be better!